Parenthood- Different Strokes for Different Folks

Parenthood- Different Strokes for Different Folks

Every generation is unique both in their achievements and also the troubles they face. Now that both partners are usually equally educated and have a similar earning potential, a disturbing trend is emerging. Once married, unlike their parents though they usually do not jump into parenthood promptly, but at the some point of time they do consider having a child because still for most of us that is the norm.Having a child is probably the easiest part of parenthood. It is the rearing up of that child which requires long term (read lifelong) commitment!! And that is when all hell breaks loose. Couples who do not foresee this journey go through a tough time. They are often not ready for the adjustments and compromises that this decision demands. Not all are lucky to have a reliable support system at home which means even bigger compromises especially by the woman. Some women eventually find that they love motherhood as a full time thing which works out well for them. Some take it in their stride while others make peace with it which also is fine. But there are a few who do so grudgingly which is bad because of its scary long term effects on the family as a whole and the child in specific.

This reminded me of the acronym DINK (Dual Income, No Kids) and as I googled I came across DINKER (Dual Income, No Kids Early Retirement) which is a step up from DINK. Then there is DINKY (Double Income, No Kids Yet) for those who cannot make their minds yet. In fact there is also a term for the environmentally conscious DINK- GINK (Green Inclinations, No Kids) referring those who choose not to have children for environmental reasons.

As I dug deeper I came across DINKWAD (Double Income No Kids with a Dog) who would prefer a dog to having a kid and immediately next to pop up was the DINKYANDE (Dual Income No Kids Yet and No Dog Either) who were clear about their preferences.

Not to be left behind are SINK (Single Income No Kids) who probably chose to be practical than to be emotional and are definitely wiser than SILK (Single Income Lots of Kids) or SITCOM (Single Income Two Children and Oppressive Mortgage).

The natural consequence of DINKs are the PODWOG (Parents of Dinks With Out Grandchildren) and WOOF (Well Off Older Folk) is probably how the future will be for the DINK.

The point is that there is a whole menu out there and you can choose what suits you. All the options come with their set of advantages and disadvantages. We need to be clear what we can handle.

There is no mandate or a gun over your head to have children. Just because everyone around you thinks that you should have them is the worst possible reason to have them. Often such reluctant parenthood ruins the child. I have seen parents who have had kids and then dumped the responsibility on grand parents or worse have left them to the mercy of nannies and maids. Then there are those mothers who had to ‘sacrifice’ their happening careers at the altar of mommyhood. It should be a conscious choice not a compulsion. Such mothers are often depressed, angry and frustrated and the kids end up as a soft target, without any fault of theirs. Such kids often grow up with a lot of emotional issues. You have absolutely no right to mess up a child’s life. Discuss with your partner/ future partner about this. You have to have common goals when it comes to family. it has to be different strokes for different folks. One size fits all can no longer be a viable option. Take a well informed decision and happily embrace its consequences…both good and bad.

Bringing up a child is a responsible job and if you do not fit into that job profile it is better NOT to apply for it.

So what would you choose to do, I leave it to you. Your comments are highly appreciated. If you liked the article click on the follow button to know whenever I post next.

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First Published https://www.momspresso.com/parenting/musings-and-reflections/article/parenthood-different-strokes-for-different-folks

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