I was watching the Filmfare Awards on sunday night and Vidya Balan was awarded for her performance in Tumhari Sulu. In celebratory mode, she did a small jig onstage on one of her songs, in gay abandon. She was at her uninhibited best but I couldn’t help notice her husband watching her so lovingly when the camera panned on him for a second. Awww…. It was so endearing. I wondered why that look struck me and then I knew. I recognized that look , it was so familiar. I have often seen the same half loving and half bemused expression in my husband’s eyes when I am up to my antics. I am a person who speaks my mind and I elicit strange reaction from men who believe I come out ‘too strongly’! Whatever that means, but l can almost visualize them nodding their heads in disapproval and in sympathy for my ‘poor husband’. They safely assume that he is one of those ‘henpecked husbands’ (for lack of any other term, I am using it). I admit that in the first few years of my marriage, such reactions would affect me and I would mentally make a note to shut my mouth when I was around such people. It would help for a while but eventually it would be too suffocating.
I used to question my husband often but every time he would just wave his hand that it did not matter to him at all. He could see that I used to berate myself if I spoke my mind or suffer in silence, if I didn’t. Either way I was not in a happy space. He would encourage me to be myself and not bother about the reactions. A lot of gentle prodding from him and a great deal of introspection later, I came out on my own and have never looked back. If I say it feels good, that would be an understatement. And I have to thank my significant other half for it. Had he been insecure, he would have held me back. The men I made uncomfortable must’ve surely expressed their opinion about my ‘strong personality’ and may have questioned his ‘masculine pride’. But none of that deterred him ever. He was very clear and very very secure in his individuality. He never felt the need to exert that ‘masculinity’ by stripping away my individuality. As more and more women find their voice and individuality, the need for secure men rises. Unless men unlearn a few things , the adaptation to the new age women is going to be tough for them. So men deal with your insecurities today so tomorrow you can make way for stronger women. And parents put forth an example of gender equality in front of your children, boys or girls. Your sons will learn that girls are equal and the daughters will learn to be themselves without being apologetic about it. Men buckle up and Clean up your act. Get one fact straight that a woman’s strength is NOT inversely proportional to yours. Rather allow nature to take its course and embrace that strength as yoursFirst Published – https://www.momspresso.com/parenting/musings-and-reflections/article/dear-men-clean-up-your-act