My foray into writing, on a serious level, is very recent. My steps are still very tentative, as I gingerly tread on my chosen path. How my pieces are received do keep me on my seat’s edge. I hear nice things about my writing and it does give a boost to my confidence.
Just when I thought I was sliding into this smoothly, there came my first troll. I was angry, I was hurt, I was shocked at the bitterness that laced the comment. My carefully built confidence came down crashing like a house of cards. More than anything else, the words poured vitriol on my self-belief.
I stammered back a response and crossed my fingers this was the last I heard from her. I didn’t have to wait for long to know. Five minutes later the notification box popped up and I felt a fear creeping in my heart. I opened it to find my comment countered with more negativity. After some defence from my side and more offence from her side, I finally gave up. I was tired.
It took me a while to find my bearings back and I am glad to report that I survived to tell the tale. However, it was a window for me, into the world of trolls. I was surprised to see that there were some people who had dedicated their lives to this. Only they know what their motivation is, but whatever it might be, it has more power to egg them on than people like me whoare trying to pursue their passion.
These online sadists will continue to prosper so I know there’s no running away from them. I am trying to fortify my defence against them. My bucket of self esteem needs to be brimming so they cannot poke holes to empty it. Let them do their ‘job’ but don’t allow them to destroy your trust in yourself.
How do I do it?
I have a small, loyal circle of supportive people where I retreat at the end of the day. Nothing refreshes me more than that.
To take it further, I have surrounded myself with people who are my sounding board. They flag me when I falter but are as quick to pat my back when I write something stupendous.
Initially I used to skip the comments from the suspected familiar ones till the time I gathered courage. Now I read them but I choose not to feed them. This requires a lot of restraint from a person like me but I don’t want to trade my peace.
There’s down time, I can’t deny that. But shake off that dirt and stand back on your feet every time.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, ‘no one can make you feel inferior without your consent’. Do not give them the pleasure they seek.
My mother told me recently that according to the laws of aerodynamics, the bumblebee cannot fly. I guess no one bothered to tell the fly. Selective deafness I have come to believe is the key.
So keep writing, keep following your passions, you cannot please them all so don’t evn try!
I’m Writing Bravely for the Write Tribe Festival Of Words-March 2019 hosted by Write Tribe
Today I chose the quote prompt – “I hear a thousand kind words about me and it makes no difference yet I hear one insult and all confidence shatters focusing on the negative” ― Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers
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